


Hello Heartache

by xBlackButterflyx



Category: One Piece
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-19
Updated: 2014-04-19
Packaged: 2018-09-01 04:52:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 12,786
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8608891
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xBlackButterflyx/pseuds/xBlackButterflyx
Summary: Modern AU: When in dark times, as Sanji realises his true feelings, there is only one thing he can do.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Please feel free to follow me on tumblr x-blackbutterfly-x.tumblr.com  
> Or go to ff.net and search for user xblackbutterflyx if you would like to read this story there instead.  
> Song reverence - Hello Heartache by Avril Lavinge

Spring had finally arrived, slowly thawing out the previously harsh weather, and spreading happiness and warmth throughout the city. Unfortunately, those feelings could not reach one blonde man. This man is currently in Shanks’ Bar, putting on a smile, and greeting the lovely ladies he passes as he makes his way to the stage. Not even the bright shades of purple and blue, or the friendly atmosphere can bring a genuine smile to man’s face.

As he reaches the stage, he stands to the side, and waits for the band before him to finish their performance. Taking one last look around the bar, his eyes scan over the large stage and sparkling white dance floor which is packed with people. At the round tables which are scattered around, all of the red cushioned seats are filled with people who are drinking and laughing together, and the bar area is to his right is busy as usual and is glistening under the dim lights.

His gaze comes to a halt when he spots his nakama crowded around one of the larger tables near the bar. Watching them happily chatting away, he feels like he’s an outsider and that he doesn’t belong, like he’s a burden for those he loves. 

A strong grip on his shoulder pulls him out of his daze and he looks up to the grinning red-haired man who is now standing next to him.

“Good luck tonight Sanji, not that you need it.”

“Thank you Shanks. Now hurry up back to that bar. You have customers to serve, and Luffy is defiling the peanut bowl with his grubby hands.”

He watches in amusement as Shanks’s eyes go wide, before the man runs off, and tries to wrestle the bowl out of Luffy’s grip.

Chuckling, Sanji turns his attention back to the stage. Fixing his suit, he waits patiently and quickly scans over the song lyrics in his mind.

He loves working here. Every Tuesday and Thursday night, he performs on this stage, singing out to the crowd. That moment with Shanks earlier had become a routine. Sanji feels like he owes a lot to that man. If it wasn’t for him, he would have no job, no money, and no apartment. 

A few years ago he started working here as a performer and Sanji enjoys it as much as he does cooking, and so he would take nights off from working in the Baratie, his step father Zeff’s restaurant, and come here instead. Even though he loved every minute he worked at the Baratie, nothing makes him feel more alive than singing on stage in front of a crowd. His favourite part of performing is the adrenaline rush he feels, as well as seeing people enjoy the live music. 

Now, Sanji also works here as a barman. Shanks had offered him the second job when the blonde man’s life changed drastically. 

Glancing back at the Strawhats, his nakama, they seem to be in their own little world. Chatting happily and drinking with one another- well those who were old enough. The crew are unaware that he, their cook, is taking in his surroundings one last time, mentally saying goodbye to them.

Although singing on stage had managed to cheer him up before, this time is different. Instead of the warmth and gleefulness, all he feels right now is heartache and misery. Sanji never thought he would be doing this. But he was, and it was making him feel nauseous.

Anxiously he fiddles with an envelope in his trouser pocket. Remembering by heart, he goes over the words in his head. These are the final words to his captain. He wishes he could say them to Luffy in person, however, he knows the boy would only try to stop him, and Sanji believes that what he is doing right now is for the best.  
He is leaving this city, his crew, and he is leaving the person he loves. 

Thinking back over his recent memories, Sanji instantly gets lost in his thoughts. 

Two years ago, a fire broke out in Zeff’s restaurant, which was also their home. The Baratie had burnt down, taking along one of his passions, the place he felt safe from the world, his childhood, and Zeff.

This event triggered the darkness of his heart, left him to slowly and agonisingly spiral down into the depths of depression. Yes, he did find a new suitable place to live, and yes, he still had his friends and his job at Shanks’ bar, but once that darkness fully got a hold on him, it wouldn't let go.

Sanji spent months, near a year, shutting himself off from the world. He’d spend his days torturing himself, and listening to the demons in his head which had now gained full control over his thoughts. 

During this time he’d stopped eating, he simply lost his appetite and found no joy in cooking. Sanji stopped taking care of himself. He couldn’t summon up the energy to wash, change, clean the apartment, or even get out of bed some days. He wished that the fire had taken him too, or at least him instead of Zeff. 

His nakama were oblivious. They had agreed to leave him alone for a while, thinking that it was a good idea to give him some space. When they eventually turned up at his place, they were shocked and instantly regretted their actions.

The Sanji they saw, was not the one they knew. He looked worn out, with dark circles under his eyes. The blonde’s eyes were bloodshot, and the amount of weight he’d lost petrified them. What didn't help was how bare the cupboards were or how the kitchen looked untouched.

From there, his nakama took turns in visiting, checking up on his health, providing fresh groceries, trying to cheer him up, and making sure he ate. In time, Sanji smiled a bit more during their visits and things were getting back to normal. Or so it seemed.

The blonde ate more around them, and he slowly gained weight. However, they were again oblivious to what was really going on. He did feel a bit better when his nakama visited, but once they left, it felt like they were never there to begin with. 

A few short months brought about another major event. In comparison to the fire, the event was small, however its changes made him realise something that was always there for him, or in this case, someone.

These changes occurred slowly, making him question his past actions. It started with small smiles and getting the feeling that he mattered to someone. This lead to him looking forward to a certain person’s visits and left him feeling elated for hours after they left. What puzzled him at the time was that this was happening with a green haired idiot called Zoro. 

Zoro didn't treat him like the others would, always being wary around him. No, the man treated him like he always did, insulting him and starting their fights. And somehow this worked. The marimo’s visits became more and more frequent, and Sanji found himself constantly thinking of Zoro when the man wasn’t there.

When he would look back over the memories they had together, he’d pinpoint the times when his assumptions of the moss-head had changed, when he had noticed the little things about the other, and when he slowly changed his working schedule to fit around bringing Zoro food for lunch and dinner.

Eventually, he realised that he had fallen in love. He obviously denied it at first. How could he fall in love with someone who irritated him and fought with him all the time? Why Zoro? 

Sanji would question why he constantly felt the need to aggravate the swordsman, and why gaining the others attention made him feel accomplished. He also questioned why now? Why did it take him this long to realise? Or was it just that his mind was tricking him into thinking that he needed love and that Zoro was the one? Is it just that he is overlooking the man’s kindness and twisting it into something it’s not?

Eventually he decided that it didn’t matter when, where or how it became love. It was love, and that was the only thing that mattered. And he finally accepted his feelings for Zoro.  
When a year had passed by, Sanji’s nakama were fed up with him locking himself away, and dragged him along on their group nights out again. It was around this time that Shank’s had offered him the bar keeping job (along with his old job back) and Sanji finally noticed what was going on around him, and not just his pessimistic thoughts and feelings, or Zoro. He suddenly became aware of how much he was hurting his nakama.

He felt like he was a burden to them, and that he was wasting their time when they should be focussing on looking after themselves. And so Sanji threw himself back into work, putting on a smile, flirting with the ladies, and acting like his usual self. 

Although for a while that proved to be difficult as he couldn’t remember how he used to be. Once he figured it out, he fully played the part, swooning over the women more than usual, losing his temper over the little things more quickly, and initiating more of his fights with Zoro.

The crew thought that he was getting better. And it wasn’t long before they believed he was. But they were wrong. He had just gotten better at hiding his true feelings, and pretending that everything was okay now. 

Sanji had, and still has, each and every one of them fooled. 

He did try to work things out on his own, be around his nakama more, and Zoro always managed to cheer him up. However, as soon as he was alone and back home in his apartment, he felt like the world was crashing down on him. That it was squeezing out every last bit of energy and happiness in him he had left. The negative thoughts kept swirling around in his head, leaving room for nothing else.

This was why four months ago he decided to leave. To start a new life in the hope of moving on from this and in the hope that he could get over his feelings for the other man. He had to. Not just for himself but for Zoro too. He couldn't live like this anymore. He didn't want to worry or burden his nakama again. And he couldn't tell the marimo how he felt about him. He didn't want to lose his friendship with him over it.

And besides, Zoro has Kuina.

Sanji is brought back from his thoughts and into his surroundings as the crowd cheers and applauds the previous act. As the band leaves, Sanji makes his way up onto the stage. His chosen song, for this final night, is relevant to his current situation.

He stumbled upon the song a few weeks ago, and once he heard it for the first time, it just wouldn’t leave his mind. To him it was perfect. It seemed so accurate to his feelings, that he just could not bring himself to sing any other song for his final night. He just hoped that he could carry the song off well enough for the lovely angel he heard it sung by.  
As soon as he reaches the mic-stand, the crowd cheers, and the backing track starts to play on the speakers. Sanji breathes in and out slowly to calm his nerves, then, he closes his eyes and starts to sing.

**"You were perfect. I was unpredictable.  
It was more than worth it. But not too sensible.   
Young and foolish. Seemed to be the way.   
And I was stupid. To think that I could stay.   
Oh oh. To think that I could stay."**

Opening his eyes, he subtly glances over to his nakama. As usual, they are chatting amongst themselves. As he starts to sing the chorus, he focuses his gaze on Zoro. The moss-head is talking happily and laughing,

..….with Kuina.

**"Goodbye my friend. Hello heartache.  
It's not the end. It's not the same.   
Wish it didn't have to be this way but,  
you will always mean the world to me love.   
Goodbye my friend. Hello heartache."**

For some reason he just can’t keep his eyes off of the swordsman while he sings this song. And no matter how much it hurts him too, he keeps watching Zoro with Kuina, while they continue to happily celebrate their recent engagement.

**"I was champagne. You were Jameson.  
Every bad thing. We did was so much fun.   
I've seen your best side. You got to see my worst.  
It's not the first time. But this one really hurts.   
Oh oh. Yeah this one's gonna, it hurts.   
Goodbye my friend. Hello heartache.   
It's not the end. It's not the same.   
Wish it didn't have to be this way but,   
you will always mean the world to me love.   
Goodbye my friend. Hello heartache."**

As the instrumental break comes on, Sanji finds himself thinking over the times he had helped Zoro with his fiancé. Sanji was the first person the marimo ever told about his feelings for Kuina. And as he only thought of the swordsman as a friend at the time, he helped the moss head find a suitable place for his first date with her. He even cooked them a romantic meal once, when they were further along in their relationship.

Sanji was there for Zoro, in his own way (with snide remarks and fights), whenever his relationship with Kuina went through rough patches. He was the only person Zoro told when he decided on proposing to her. He even helped the idiot pick out the engagement ring, which is now on Kuina’s finger.

Even though it hurts him, he’s still happy for Zoro. Kuina makes the swordsman really happy. But watching when he proposed to her, in front of the rest of their nakama earlier on that day, he decided last minute that tonight was the last night he would stay in this city. It was too much for him.

He already had a duffel bag packed which he had put together a few weeks ago, ready for when he finally decided to leave, he could never just find the right time….until now.  
That duffel bag is now currently in the bar's staff room. He normally brings it in with him on his preforming nights with a change of clothes for after he’s performed, so no one thought any different of it this time.

As the thoughts get too much, he tightens his grip on the mic, and turns his gaze away from Zoro, and the rest of his happy nakama. Instead he focuses on looking out at the crowd in front of him while he continues the song to its end.

**"Do you know, do you get. It's just goodbye, it's not the end.  
Do you know, do you get. It's just goodbye, it's not the end.  
Goodbye my friend. Hello heartache.  
It's not the end. It's not the same.   
Wish it didn't have to be this way but,   
you will always mean the world to me love.   
Goodbye my friend. Hello heartache.  
Hello heartache.  
Wish it didn't have to be this way but, you will always mean the world to me love.   
Goodbye my friend. Hello heartache."**

When he finishes, he can’t help but grin at the cheers from the crowd. Hurrying off stage so the next act can set up their equipment, Sanji reaches into his pocket and pulls out his letter. His high from performing quickly vanishes, and he’s left feeling anxious once again. 

Walking over to the bar, he hides the letter behind the till, letting the corner of the envelope show, and is unsure whether to feel relieved or disheartened that his nakama have not noticed him at all. Turning away, he walks through the door behind the bar and into the hallway. Going up the stairs, to his left, he makes his way to the staff room.  
Picking up his bag from the sofa, he stops and stares out the window. The sky is dark and the stars are out. Sanji knows that this is his last chance to back out of leaving. Once he takes this step there is no going back.

He doubts his nakama would ever want him back if he leaves like this. But he has no choice. He can’t stay here and watch Zoro and Kuina get married. As much as he is happy for the man and wants to be there for him, it hurts too much and he knows it will be unbearable for him.

He loves Zoro. But he can’t stand around and see how happy he is with Kuina, it is already breaking his heart. He would never be able to make the man as happy as she does, and he knows he never will.

Sanji knows he is being selfish by doing this, but his nakama will get over his departure soon enough and move on with their lives, and he deserves to be happy too, right?  
Snapping himself out from his daze, he walks out of the staff room, down the stairs, and out the back door. 

As he makes his way to the front of the building, he stops once more and looks at the entrance sign in thought. Would they miss him? Would they even care? Most importantly, would Zoro?

_No probably not. They can easily replace me and they’ll be fine without me. I’m not needed._

Spinning around sharply, he walks off down the road and fights back the tears threatening to spill. A few blocks away he reaches a bus stop. Sanji has no idea where the next bus actually leads to, but as long as it is far away from here, he doesn’t care.

After waiting ten minutes, the bus finally arrives. Greeting the driver, he gets on and pays for his ticket. It turns out this journey will take him right across to the other side of the country, to another city, and that’s good enough for him.

The bus already starts moving as he walks down in-between the rows of seats and he notices a few other people sitting alone. Taking a seat at the back, he places his bag on his lap and is thankful for the peace and quiet. Looking out the window, he sighs and finally allows his tears to fall as he cries silently.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Modern AU: When in dark times, as Sanji realises his true feelings, there is only one thing he can do.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please feel free to follow me on tumblr x-blackbutterfly-x.tumblr.com  
> Or go to ff.net and search for user xblackbutterflyx if you would like to read this story there instead.

**Present day:**

A pale blue door. This door is now the only thing in his way.

Wearing faded blue jeans, white t-shirt, and black steel-capped boots, Zoro warily stands in front of an apartment door. Up until now he had not felt nervous. Not when he was told the new address, not through the long train ride here, not even when he tried to find the apartment. But now, as soon as he found himself in front of the right door, waves of nervousness crashed throughout his body. Zoro began doubting his actions. Should he have come straight here? Or should he have brought someone else with him? Luffy perhaps? Would Sanji even want to see him?

* * *

**The morning after Sanji's departure:**

“Shishishishi, Shanks! You’ll never guess what Ace just-“

“Luffy, now is not the time for that. Listen, I need you to gather up your friends and bring them to the bar tonight. There is something important I need to give to you.”

“Yosh! Is it meat!?”

“NO IT IS NOT MEAT!”

Rubbing his forehead with his free hand, he looks down at the envelope on the counter. It’s clearly Sanji’s writing. He’d tried calling the blonde first, but it just went straight to voice mail. Somehow knowing what was written inside, he rang Luffy, and thought it would be best if his nakama found out at the same time.

“This is serious Luffy. I will close the bar tonight, make sure the others know to be here at 8PM, got it?”

“Yeah, I’ll do that……. Wanna know what Ace did?”

Sighing, he picks up the envelope and places it in his pocket.

“Go on then, what did he do this time?”

* * *

**Later that night:**

Walking into the bar, Zoro notices that everyone is already here, well almost everyone. Vivi, Kaya, Ace, Marco, Kuina, and even Smoker are sitting at a cramped table with the rest of his crew. But for some reason Sanji isn’t even here yet.

Taking a seat by his fiancé, Zoro looks from one to the other. No one seems to be bothered by the fact that Sanji isn’t already here, swooning over the women. He’d tried to contact the idiot earlier, but it just went straight to voice mail, and he never replied to his text telling him to be here.

_Where the hell is he?_

Folding his arms over his chest, he slumps in his chair, and notices Shanks walk out from the back room. Shanks makes his way over to Luffy, handing him a set of keys and a white envelope. Raising his eyebrow at this, Zoro’s interest peaks when the red haired man whispers something to Luffy, then walks out the front door of the building, grabbing his coat along the way.

Glancing around the table, he sees that a few of the others have noticed too, and everyone goes quiet while Luffy opens the envelope and starts to read the letter inside to himself. Turning to the door, he keeps a look out for Sanji. _Why hasn’t that idiot got here yet?_

Hearing the scrape of a chair, he looks back around just in time to watch his captain get up from his seat, and pull his strawhat down to mask his eyes. As the boy clutches the letter and envelope in his hands, Zoro worries about what has clearly upset the young lad.

“Luffy, what-“

“He’s gone. Sanji’s left us.”

_Wh-what did he just say? Is this some kind of joke?_

Zoro stays calmly in his seat, observing Nami snatching the letter and envelope from Luffy. He watches Nami’s free hand rise up to cover her mouth and her eyes widen. Some of the crew start to panic but he just stays still while his eyes are fixated on the letter as it gets past around from one to the other.

He can hear Chopper and Franky sobbing, but he tunes it out, and focuses on the passing of the letter. Once it’s in his hands, along with the envelope, he quickly scans over it. _That bastard!_

Crushing it in his hands, he gets up from his seat and hits the table with his fists. Looking up, everyone is staring at him, and the room has gone silent once more. Fuming with rage, he shoves the letter into his pocket and storms out of the bar, cursing Sanji with every ill name under the sun.

* * *

**Two months after Sanji's departure:**

_16……17……18…..16…..17… wait, didn’t I just count that?_

Sighing, Zoro rolls over from his position and lays down on the mat, staring up at the ceiling. Throwing an arm over his head, he covers his eyes and takes a few deep breathes. He can faintly hear someone calling his name – _maybe Kuina?_ – but he blocks it out.

Forcing himself to sit back up, he glances around his home gym and notices that the door is open. _Didn’t I close it?_ Shrugging, he stands up and walks over to his training weights. Just as he is about to pick one up, his phone rings. Searching around the room, he finally spots it on the windowsill.

Glancing at the caller ID he quickly rejects the call and turns off his phone. _Why can’t they just leave me alone? I’m trying to train here!_ Everyday another one of his nakama would call him, trying to coax him out of the house - this time the call is from Franky.  And each time, he would ignore them.

Going back to the mat in the middle of the room, Zoro starts on his push-ups once again. Quickly losing count, he decides to give up, and walks out of the room, to his bedroom.

Heading straight for the bedside table, he takes out a white envelope from the top draw and sits down on his king sized bed.

Written on the envelope is 'Captain Luffy' in neat and slightly curled handwriting.

Sanji's handwriting.

Zoro carefully takes out the letter inside, and reads it.

_Dear Luffy,_

_Looks like you're going to have to find a new cook, captain. Don't worry. There are plenty of other great cooks around, I'm sure you'll find one soon which can satisfy your black hole for a stomach. Sorry to leave this way, through a shitty letter. Please don't waste your time, calling or looking for me, I'll be fine. Oh and give my apologies to the lovely Nami-Swan and Robin-Chwan. And the others too. I know I don't need to tell you this, as you will anyway, but look after him, Luffy. Make sure that day runs smoothly. Don't let anyone ruin it, or his happiness. It would break my heart otherwise._

_Yours sincerely,_

_Your ex-cook, Sanji._

The swordsman keeps reading over the letter. He knows he's missing something, but he just can't figure out what it is. _What is that shitty cook on about? What day does he mean and who is he talking about? Why did that bastard leave us?_

* * *

**Four months after Sanji's departure:**

Feeling uncomfortable in his suit, Zoro glances around the room from his seat. He feels so out of place in this fancy 5 star restaurant. _Curly-brows would fit right in…._

Looking back at the table, Kuina had just finished giving their orders to the waiter.

“Wow, this place looks exactly the same. Remember when we came here for our first date Zoro?”

“Yeah.” _Sanji picked this place..._

Glancing around the room once more, and taking a sip of the drink that just got placed in front of him, he fails to notice the irritated scowl of his fiancé.

This is the first night they’ve been out together since they found out that Sanji had left. And even though he should be focusing on Kuina – as it is the anniversary of their first date – he can’t stop thinking about Sanji. Everything here reminds him of that idiot.

He’s thought about Sanji so much these past few months, and it has been driving him insane. He doesn’t even know why the shit cook is the only thing he’s been thinking about. Zoro would train more, trying to rid his mind of the blonde. But this only resulted in him thinking of how great it would be to spar with the cook again. What angers him the most is that he still can’t figure out what Sanji meant in that damn letter.

_Why should I even bother? And why am I still thinking of him. That blonde bastard left me! – I mean the crew…._

The food arriving snaps Zoro out of his thoughts and while he eats, he can’t help but think of how much he misses Sanji’s cooking.

* * *

**Five months after Sanji's departure:**

Getting of the bus, Zoro wonders around an unfamiliar town, looking closely at every blonde person he sees. This is the tenth day in a row that he has been out looking in nearby cities, towns, and even villages for that shitty cook.

A few weeks back Zoro had found himself thinking more about Sanji, and he finally accepted that he missed the idiot. He would constantly wonder where the blonde was, what he was doing and who he was with.

This was when he had decided to start looking for Sanji.

A few hours later, as the sun starts to go down, he makes his way back to the bus stop. _Another failed search…._ Sighing as he gets onto the bus, Zoro decides that it is time to bring in some reinforcements.

* * *

**Six months after Sanji's departure:**

On his way home from Shanks’ Bar, Zoro thinks back to how the rest of his nakama had reacted. Ace had told everyone that he had gotten Smoker involved in his search for Sanji. He wasn’t that surprised that the freckled man had found out, seen as though his boyfriend Marco worked in the same police department as Smoker. He just whished that the idiot had kept his mouth shut.

The crew seemed to have mixed opinions on his decision. Chopper and Usopp had hopeful expressions, while Nami looked like she was mentally debating on whether it was a good idea or not. Other than the looks directed at him and a few murmurs between themselves, no one said a word about it. A few minutes after he confirmed that it was true, Kuina had excused herself, and left the bar.

Zoro still didn’t know what to think of this.

Once Zoro has opened the door to his house, he’s shocked to find his fiancé waiting in the hallway, with her bags packed on the floor beside her.

Kuina had finally snapped. Zoro's recent obsession with Sanji had become too much for her. She ignored it at first, just like he had been ignoring her these past few months, but she became fed up, and after what she had found out today, she had finally come to a decision.

Picking up her bags, Kuina then grabs her keys and takes off the key to Zoro’s house from her key ring, "As you can see Zoro, I'm leaving."

"What? Why!"

_Seriously! What does he mean why?_ At times like this Kuina is still stunned at how dense this man in front of her can be sometimes.

"Zoro. You and I both know how much I've been ignored recently. And yes, I have always been able to accept that sometimes your training comes before me. But this time it's different. Your fixation with Sanji has gone too far."

"Look. I know this… thing with the shitty cook has spun out of control right now, but the sooner he's found and brought back for Luffy and the others, the sooner things can go back to normal."

Sighing, she clutches her bags tighter. _Does he really believe that he’s doing this for the crew’s sake? How can he not realise what is going on here? He doesn’t love me anymore. At least not in the way he used to. Doing this hurts so much, but right now Sanji’s probably hurting more._ _I know that man’s been holding back his feelings for a long time now. I could see it in his eyes whenever he looked at Zoro._

Biting her lip, Kuina takes off her engagement ring and places it on the table in the hallway, along with her key to Zoro’s house. Not wanting to give anything away, as Zoro needs to figure this out for himself, she decides to give him a few things to think on instead.

"You don't love me anymore, Zoro. Since Sanji left, you won't even look at me, all you talk about is **him**. All you seem to care about is **him**. And the sooner you realise where your true loyalties lie, the better it will be for all of us."

Calmly, she walks past Zoro and leaves, closing the door behind her as she holds back her tears.

* * *

**Seven months after Sanji's departure:**

Grumbling to himself, Zoro stomps into his house and slams the door shut behind him. He had wasted another day at the police station. Smoker had blocked his number and was refusing to see him. _It’s my own fault, I keep pestering him about finding Sanji._

Sighing, he makes his way up the stairs and to his home gym. As soon as he opens the door, he goes straight to lifting weights in the far corner of the room, as his mind once again thinks over what Kuina had said about a month ago.

Everything she told him that night now finally makes sense. He is in love with Sanji. What annoys him about this is that the shit cook had to leave for him to realise his true feelings. Zoro also hated the fact that he had hurt Kuina through all of this.

As he thinks back on his relationship with Sanji, he realises that the cook was always there for him. He even helped him with his relationship with Kuina. The shitty cook knew more about what she liked than he did. All the birthday, Christmas and anniversary presents he got her, were all chosen by Sanji. _That idiot was more involved with my relationship with Kuina than I was, even though that bastard has been gone for over seven months!_

Kuina is right, since Sanji left, all he ever thought about was the cook.

Cursing as he loses track on the number of sit ups he is now doing, he decides to start again. However it’s not long before a shitty blonde distracts him once more.

But this time, it’s not in the same way as all those months ago when he innocently only wondered where the curly bastard had gone. No, this time, he can clearly imagine what it would be like to kiss Sanji. To push the man down on his bed and straddle him, slowly taking off the cook’s clothes and to see the others flushes cheeks as he gently trails light kisses down the man’s chest, hearing Sanji beg him for more, and moan in pleasure when –

Sitting up straight and shaking his head, Zoro tries to forget the images, deciding to have a nice cold shower instead and heads for the bathroom. He hopes that Smoker will find Sanji soon and the sooner the better.

* * *

**Eight months after Sanji's departure (present day):**

Staring at the door that is now currently in his way, Zoro can’t help but mentally thank Smoker for finding Sanji. If it wasn't for Smoker, he wouldn't be here now, standing outside Sanji's new apartment door. _What was that idiot dartboard-brow thinking, moving all the way to the other side of the country?_

He knows his feelings now, but would Sanji ever feel the same way about him? Taking a few deep breaths, he feels calmer and more relaxed. _It doesn't matter if that shit cook doesn’t like me back right now, or ever. The only thing that matters is bringing him back home to our nakama._

Knocking loudly on the door, he’s met with silence. As he is about to knock on the door once more, he faintly hears the shuffling sound of footsteps from the other side. His heart starts pounding, and it only increases when the door slowly opens inwards, and he sees Sanji in front of him.

Looking over the other man, he notices that Sanji’s feet are bare, and he gulps at the sight of the man in his tight black skinny jeans and blue buttoned up shirt. He can’t help but notice how closely the blue of his shirt matches the colour of his eyes, which have widened in surprise at seeing him.

"….Zoro?”


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Modern AU: When in dark times, as Sanji realises his true feelings, there is only one thing he can do.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please feel free to follow me on tumblr x-blackbutterfly-x.tumblr.com  
> Or go to ff.net and search for user xblackbutterflyx if you would like to read this story there instead.

Sanji can’t believe his eyes right now. He thought that when he left, all those months ago, that he would never see any of his nakama again. He thought they wouldn't want to see him after the way he left things. But here Zoro is, standing outside his apartment. He doesn't know what to think.

Quickly averting his gaze from the swordsman, he stays silent. _Does he hate me for leaving? Why is he even here? Surely Zoro and the others are glad I left, right? How did the shit head even find me?_

"Come home."

Snapping his head back to look at Zoro, his eyes widen once more. _Did he really just say what I think he said? Or am I just imagining things?_

"Come home, Sanji."

Feeling like he’s frozen in place, he can’t do anything other than stare at the man in front of him. _Is this really happening? The moss head really wants me to go back with him? Why?_ He hears Zoro sigh and watches the swordsman fold his arms.

"If you're not going to say anything, at least let me inside, it's freezing out here."

Only now he notices that the idiot is just wearing a t-shirt and a pair of jeans. _What is that idiot marimo thinking? It’s the middle of November!_

Wordlessly turning around, he walks back into his apartment and leaves the door open.

* * *

Zoro watches as the cook walks back into his apartment, still not saying another word. Following after him, he shuts the door, and heads straight for one of the white sofas.

The main area is open plan, and the walls are bare and painted white. There are no personal belongings around to be seen, other than a few books on a bookshelf in the corner. Behind him is a door which he suspects leads to the bathroom and bedroom. Another sofa is opposite where he sits, facing him, with a vacant, glass, coffee table in between them.

Behind the sofa in front of him is the kitchen. To his left are huge glass double doors which lead out to a small balcony. There is no TV in the room, and if it wasn't for the fact that he could see the blonde making warm drinks in the kitchen, he wouldn't have thought anyone had lived here.

The kitchen is the only part of the apartment that he can see which has personal touches to it. Pots and pans are hung up on the wall above the cooker, personalised magnets on the fridge, and a few small potted plants are placed on the windowsill above the sink.

Sanji has been quiet the entire time, and Zoro can't help but think that it was a bad idea to come up here.

Eventually, Sanji makes his way over and hands him a mug of coffee, which he gladly takes. He watches the cook as the man sits down on the sofa opposite him, and sips on a mug of, what he guesses is, hot chocolate.

Uncomfortable silence seems to suffocate the room and he can tell that the cook is not going to start speaking any time soon. Observing the other, Sanji is sitting on the edge of his seat, holding his mug with both hands, and staring intently at the white carpeted floor. The swordsman takes a sip of his coffee, which has been made exactly how he likes it, and places it on the coffee table.

The shitty cook doesn't even shout at him for not using a coaster. Not like he could anyway, as there are none, but still, he is still surprised that Sanji hasn't kicked the shit out of him for it, like he normally would. The idiot only flinched slightly at the noise, and still wouldn’t look up at him.

Intently he watches the cook, and tries to think of something to say.

* * *

The carpet seems so interesting to him right now. Once again Sanji loses himself in thought of how soft it is under his bare feet, and unconsciously forms patterns on the carpet in his mind.

"How have you been?"

Being startled out of his thoughts once more, he holds his mug away from him on reflex, trying not to spill his hot chocolate on his clothes, but berates himself on the fact that his move could have spilt the mugs contents on his nice, white, clean, carpet.

Thinking back to the question Zoro asked him, he holds the mug closer to him once again, and grips the handle tightly. He doesn't want to answer that. He doesn’t feel like speaking at all, and even though this situation feels so awkward and uncomfortable, he decides to stay silent.

"The others are worried about you. They won't admit it, and they won't talk about it either. But I can tell."

* * *

The idiot cook still wouldn't say anything and it was really starting to irritate him. As much as he wants to shout at the blonde, or start one of their fights, he knows that he needs to deal with this as delicately as possible.

Seeing Sanji like this again is really worrying him.

"They miss you."

The cook stays silent for a while and when he finally speaks, he keeps his gaze to the floor.

"Did you miss me?"

Sanji talked so quietly, that Zoro almost couldn’t make out what he was saying, however he can clearly hear the sadness in the others voice. _Should I tell him? How much should I say? Do I tell the shit cook that I love him?_ His cheeks start to feel warm at this thought and he quickly takes his gaze away from the blonde, looking out through the glass doors instead.

"O-of course I missed you….bastard."

He mentally berates himself. _Wow good going Zoro, didn't sound nervous at all. Insulting the shit cook at the end of it was a great idea. Why is it so hard to tell the idiot that I missed him?_

Zoro swallows thickly as his cheeks keep getting warmer. He refuses to look at Sanji, and is surprised at how easy his next few words came out. This time, once he starts speaking, for some reason, he just can’t stop himself.

"Idiot, of course I missed you, how stupid can you get. Your stupid face and your idiotic eyebrows wouldn't get out of my head. I looked for you almost every day these past few months. I even got Smoker to find you. I pestered him so much about finding you that he blocked my number. As soon as he told me your new address I came straight up here, didn't even tell anyone. Did you really think that none of us would care if you just upped and left with no explanations? Did you think that I wouldn't care? Did you think that you were replaceable or something you shitty cook? Because you're not you idiot, no one could ever replace you. So yeah, I missed your stupid face and those curly eyebrows, I missed your cooking, I missed our fights, I missed hearing you sing at the bar, and when you would hum while cooking,

…..I missed you."

Zoro feels the tension within him fade away after that rant. His cheeks have cooled down, and it felt good to finally get that off his chest. However, he slowly turns back to the cook, only for his cheeks to heat up again at what he sees.

Sanji is looking at him now, with the warmest smile on his face, and his cheeks slightly flushed. He hasn't seen the blonde smile like that in years. His heart flutters at the sight.

* * *

Sanji can't believe what he had just heard. _The idiot moss missed me! He actually missed me!_ He found himself smiling halfway through that little rant.

Seeing Zoro smile warmly right back at him makes him even happier. He is grinning like an idiot, but he doesn’t care. He takes a few sips of his hot chocolate and feels anxious again as he watches the marimo's smile turn into a frown.

"Why did you leave?"

Sanji sighs. He knew this was coming.

He gently places his mug on the table and looks down at the carpet again. He can't tell Zoro. Yeah, the shit head missed him, but there is nothing more to it than friendship. It's not like the marimo has suddenly fallen in love with him.

_Like that could ever happen…._

He'd never talked to Zoro about his dark feelings before. He mentioned them to Nami once, but he didn't like voicing those thoughts to his nakama. He reckons he can tell Zoro a little bit though. _He deserves some kind of explanation. But there is no way I can tell him that the other reason I left was because of him and Kuina. It wouldn't be fair._

Sighing again, he looks back up at Zoro.

"I lied."

* * *

_Lied? What is that idiot on about?_

"Shit cook, what do you mean you lied?"

"Back when I started working for Shanks again, I lied and said that I was feeling better. I wasn't better at all. I was still as bad as I was before. I had just gotten better at hiding things. I didn't want to burden anyone, or bring you guys down. You all tried so hard to cheer me up, but it never really worked. On the occasional times when it did, I'd go back home and I'd feel like shit again."

Zoro didn't know what to think about this. He wishes he realised back then that the idiot was hiding things. He doubts that he would have been able to help though. He doesn’t feel like he could now. He has no idea what to say or do for the blonde, other than listen.

"I left because I'd had enough. It got harder and harder for me to fake being happy around everyone. So I decided to leave so that I could start over with my life. Move on and be happy."

"Did it work?"

"…no. If anything it made it worse."

"Then why didn't you come back?"

"I didn't think anyone would want me back. The longer I left it, the harder it was to come home. I was worried that everyone would hate me for what I did, and I was worried that I would come back to find that everyone was getting on just fine without me. Not that I'd wanted them to still be torn up about it or anything. Not that they even would be….I just- Ugh, I don't' know, it's hard to explain. I don't understand most of it myself."

"Right, well…..let's just forget about it for now and talk about it later, yeah? Got any beer?"

Sanji chuckles at this and Zoro watches the blonde get up and head for the kitchen.

"I might have some in the back of the fridge. Finish that coffee off first though. I don't care if it's cold, you'll drink it or you'll get the shit kicked out of you instead, your choice."

Zoro grins, picks up his mug, and quickly downs the rest of the coffee. It was slightly cold but he didn't care. He was just looking forward to the beer. The cook walks back over with a couple of bottles for them both and hands him his share.

"This is all I've got shit head so don't drink them all at once."

Grunting his thanks to the blonde, he opens his first bottle, and takes a sip. Watching Sanji, once more, the blonde quickly finishes off his hot chocolate before opening his own beer.

"So….you coming home, curly?"

"….yeah."


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Modern AU: When in dark times, as Sanji realises his true feelings, there is only one thing he can do.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please feel free to follow me on tumblr x-blackbutterfly-x.tumblr.com  
> Or go to ff.net and search for user xblackbutterflyx if you would like to read this story there instead.

There’s a cold chill in the air as Sanji and Zoro walk out of the train station early morning. Even with his long black coat, with purple fur on the collar, Sanji is still freezing cold and he wraps his arms around himself tighter to try and warm up. The journey home was long and dull, and Sanji is exhausted. Smiling slightly, he watches Zoro as he walks ahead of him and leads the way. The moss head had insisted on carrying Sanji’s bag for him, and he only agreed on this as long as he could buy a coat for Zoro before they left. Not that he was worried about him in just a t-shirt or anything. And so, Zoro is wearing the light green coat, with brown fur on the collar, which Sanji had picked out for him, while he gets them lost. Again.

Normally he would have snapped at the swordsman by now, but he had missed this. It always amuses him to watch Zoro lose his way, and he found it, dare he say cute, seeing the slight confusion and irritation in Zoro’s expression as he turns down the same street for the fifth time this morning. The only problem is that the weather is getting harsher, and the longer the swordsman walks in the opposite direction of his house, the more annoyed Sanji is getting.

“Oi, marimo, lost again?”

“Shut up! I’m not lost!”

Sanji snickers and continues to follow the lost puppy, “Oi moss head.”

"…….."

“Oi!”

"…….."

“Oi!!”

“WHAT!!” Zoro finally turns around and glares at him.

“Where exactly am I going to go? I don’t have a place to live down here anymore, remember?”

“You can stay with me.”

At this, the swordsman turns away from him and continues walking, leaving him behind in shock. _Staying with Zoro… That should be okay until I can find my own place_. _But, aren’t I forgetting something? Oh yeah, that’s right. Kuina!_

“Shit head wait!” He shouts as he runs to catch up with Zoro, “What about Kuina? It’s been a few months since I left, she’s moved in with you now right? Will she be okay with me staying there?”

He watches Zoro as he turns down another street, picking up his pace.

“We’re not together anymore.”

“What? Seriously? What happened?”

“Nothing happened. Come on, let’s get home already, it’s freezing out here.”

Sanji decides to leave it be for now. _The marimo obviously doesn’t want to talk about it. I’ll ask him another time. Well, if are going to get out of this cold, we need to be walking in the right direction for a start._ Leaning forward, Sanji reaches out, and grabs Zoro by his coat sleeve. He turns them around and heads off in the right direction, not letting go of the swordsman.

“Oi curly, what are you doing?”

“Taking us the right way, so stop talking and keep walking marimo.”

He hears Zoro grunt from behind him. “You can let go of my sleeve now, idiot.”

“Not risking it. We don’t want you to get lost now do we?”

“I DON’T GET LOST!”

He knew Zoro could easily pull away from him if he wanted to, but the fact that he didn’t even try, made him smile.

* * *

Zoro woke up from his mid-morning nap to a wonderful smell coming from downstairs. Sitting up in his bed, he rubs the sleep from his eyes. When he fully wakes up from his sleep induced state, he registers that the amazing smell is Sanji’s cooking.

At this realisation, he grins and jumps up out of bed, not bothering to put anything else on besides his boxers, and rushes downstairs. Before walking into the kitchen, he slows down his pace, as he doesn’t want to seem too eager, and lets his grin fall into a neutral expression. As he walks in, the cook is humming a tune as he moves around the room with ease. Zoro’s eyes are watching Sanji’s every move, and in a trance like state, the swordsman sits down on the stool at the kitchen counter.

“Oi cook, what are you making?”

“Pancakes, want some?”

Sanji picks up the pan from the cooker and flips a pancake, catching it effortlessly. Zoro grunts in reply and continues to watch the blonde cook. He’d be lying if he said he didn’t stared at Sanji’s ass on more than one occasion.

“Marimo?”

“Yeah?”

“Do the others know I’m back?”

“No.”

Sanji spins around with a spatula raised, “What the hell! You haven’t told them?”

He looks back up at Sanji’s face when the cook’s posture falters - _is he blushing?_ Sanji quickly turns back around and continues focusing on the pancakes.

“And why the hell aren’t you wearing a shirt!?”

Zoro smirks, puts his elbow up on the counter and rests his head on the palm of his hand, “I’m only wearing boxers, cook.”

Watching the idiot clumsily drop the spatula amuses Zoro even more.

“Put on some clothes! You’re not sitting there like that in this kitchen!” Sanji screeches as he bends down to pick the cooking utensil back up.

“My house, I can do what I want.” The swordsman calmly remarks, as he leans over the counter and observes the blonde, with a sly grin.

Sanji wordlessly puts the spatula in the tub in the sink, and gets a clean one out from one of the draws, “So why haven’t you told the others?” he takes out another plate from the cupboard and places it next to the one filled with fresh pancakes.

“Like I said before, as soon as Smoker gave me your address I just left, didn’t think about it.”

Sanji halves the amount of pancakes, adding the one from the pan onto Zoro’s plate. To the swordsman’s he adds cinnamon and to his own, maple syrup.

At being given his plate and a fork, Zoro dives into his pancakes, trying to supress a moan of pleasure at the taste. Looking back up, he sees the shitty cook smirk as the blonde leans against the counter by the cooker, holding his plate.

“Want me text them to meet at Shank’s later?”

“I don’t know marimo.” Sanji’s smirk turns into a frown as he puts his plate down on the kitchen counter behind him, his food hardly touched.

“Why not?”

“They probably won’t want to see me. I’m not nakama anymore. This isn’t my home.”

Feeling angered the swordsman slams his fork down. The bang makes the cook jump and look over at him sharply, “What the hell, Zoro!?”

“That’s what I should be saying to you, dumbass.” he snarls as he gets out of his seat.

Sanji’s just stares at him wide-eyed as he walks around the kitchen counter and over to the blonde, “Don’t talk bullshit like that!” As he reaches Sanji he grabs him by the front of his shirt, pulling him close as he snarls at him, “you’re still nakama Sanji! To me and to them, so they definitely want to see you. And you do have a home. It’s here with me!"

The cook gapes at him in shock. He would have laughed at the others expression if he wasn’t trying to keep this conversation serious.

Zoro stares back at him, quickly glancing at the blonde’s lips once, before looking back into his eyes.

The cook smiles a little bit as he seems to get over his shock at the swordsman’s words, “Thanks, Zoro.”

As his sudden burst of anger melts away, Zoro realises how close they are and he feels his cheeks getting warmer. He bites down softly on his bottom lip and he can’t resist leaning forward slightly. Sanji doesn’t move, or push him away, and as he’s about to press their lips together, his house phone rings, startling them both. They jump away from each other and the swordsman rushes to pick up the phone which is hanging on the wall behind him.

“Shishishishi ZORO!!”

He yanks the phone away from his ear, groaning as he answers the idiot on the other end. _Great timing…._

“Luffy. What do you want?”

“WANT TO COME OVER? USOPP FOUND THIS HUUUGE SPIDER IN HIS ATTIC AND - “

“In not interested!” Zoro barks as he rubs at his forehead, feeling a headache coming on, “please just stop shouting.”

Luffy laughs again and he can hear Chopper squealing in the background and shouting at Usopp to stop chasing him with the spider.

“Oi, round the crew up at Shank’s bar tonight. It’s important.”

He turns around slightly and notices that the cook is washing up, is food still untouched, as Luffy’s voice comes out seriously through the phone, “What for? Has something happened?”

“I’ll text and let you know later. Just make sure the crew turn up. It’s nothing bad. It’s good. I Promise.”

“Ok Zoro! See you later!”

It still surprises him sometimes how quickly Luffy’s demeanour can change in a split second. Hanging up the phone, he goes back to the counter, sits on the stool and digs into his pancakes again.

“He sounds happy,” Sanji says as he continues to wash up at the kitchen sink.

“Yeah,” Zoro mumbles, around the food in his mouth, and his eyes widen when a hand towel hits his face, hard.

“Don’t eat with your mouth full, marimo! It’s disgusting!”

Zoro grins and pulls the towel off his head, “Fuck off curly!”

“Bastard! Learn some manners you ape!”

Chuckling, he continues eating. He can’t wait to see his nakama’s faces when they see the cook later. He glances over at Sanji’s uneaten food. _I’ll have to make sure the idiot eats something before I go and change. And I’m definitely telling Luffy what the shitty cook said earlier. If anyone can convince him he’s still nakama, it’s our captain for sure._


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Modern AU: When in dark times, as Sanji realises his true feelings, there is only one thing he can do.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please feel free to follow me on tumblr x-blackbutterfly-x.tumblr.com  
> Or go to ff.net and search for user xblackbutterflyx if you would like to read this story there instead.

Stopping at the entrance to Shanks' Bar, Sanji nervously brushes down his jacket and fixes his shirt collar. Thinking about seeing everyone again frightens him. _How are they going to react? Will they even want to see me?_

Sanji is still mentally debating about whether to go through with this or not when a warm hand is gently placed on his shoulder and squeezes it softly. He smiles at the silent reassurance from Zoro, and takes in a few deep breaths. Once he feels ready, he opens the door and steps inside.

"SANJI!"

Before he can even blink, the blonde gets tackled to the floor by a sobbing Luffy, Usopp, and Chopper.

"We thought you'd been eaten by a giant bird! But don't worry, if it comes back, the great Captain Usopp will shoot it down!"

"Make me some meat, I'm hungry!"

"Have you been eating well!? Have you been getting enough sleep!? Are you feeling okay!?"

He chuckles and ruffles Chopper's hair as the young boy looks him over, "I'm fine, but I'd like to get up now."

The three of them jump up, muttering apologies as they Sanji up from the floor.

"Sanji,” hearing the serious tone in Luffy’s voice has him feeling nervous again, "I'm glad you're back, but don't ever leave like that again. And don't hide things from us either. If you ever feel down don't be afraid to talk to one of us, that's what we are here for. You will always be our nakama Sanji, never forget that."

Wide-eyed he looks from one to the other, Usopp and Chopper nod in agreement with their captain and Sanji can't help but feel overwhelmed. He thought that they would hate him, but he was obviously wrong.

"Yosh! Now make me some meat, Sanji, I'm hungry!"

"I'm not making you anything, you bastard!"

Fuming with rage from the sudden change and messing with his emotions, he kicks his captain, sending him flying and crashing into the bar. Luffy only laughs and grins widely as Usopp and Chopper run over to help him.

He hears Zoro laughing from behind him and he clenches his fists and spins around, ready to attack, "What's so funny marimo!?"

"Sanji-Kun, could you get drinks for me and Robin, please?"

Stopping himself from kicking the swordsman, he swoons with hearts in his eyes and grins, "Nami-Swan! Robin-Chwan! I’ll do anything for you, my angels!"

* * *

Zoro smiles as he watches Sanji run off to the bar and hisses when Nami whacks him on his head, "And what are you smiling about Zoro!? You idiot! You could of at least told one us you'd found him before you went up there! What would you have done if Sanji didn't want to come back?!

Folding his arms across his chest, Zoro glares at the red haired witch, "I would have brought him back by force,” he says seriously.

"Ugh, I shouldn't have expected anything less…. Thanks Zoro,” Nami smiles as she glances at the rest of their idiot crew who are still at the bar.

He grunts in reply and watches as Nami walks off to the crew's table.

"Swordsman-San," Robin nods once at him then glances over to Sanji and back with an all-knowing smile, before following after Nami.

_Does she know?_ Zoro looks over to Sanji once more before joining his nakama at the table.

* * *

"Shanks! Can I get my lovely angles their drinks please~!?”

"Of course, just give me a minute!"

Still swooning over meeting the ladies again, he finally snaps out of his daze when he feels something being put on top of his head. Looking to his right, he's met with a grinning Luffy, minus the straw hat.

Smiling, he pushes the hat into place, and can't help but feel overwhelmed once more while Luffy, Usopp, and Chopper, rush off to join the rest of their crew.

_I haven't worn this since the first time I met them…._

Feeling a tap on his shoulder, he turns around and beams at the beauty in front of him, "Kuina-Chwan~! Oh how lovely it is for you to grace me with your presence!"

Kuina glances behind to Zoro, who has his back facing them, and Sanji quickly stops swooning over the lady when he detects how anxious she is, "Are you ok? Want to take a seat?"

He pulls out the stool next to him at the bar, which Kuina gratefully accepts, "It's great to see you back Sanji. I know you'll take good care of Zoro. You both deserve to be happy."

_Huh...?_

"What do you mean by that, Kuina-Chan?"

"He hasn't told you yet then, otherwise you would understand….."

"Told me what?"

"I think it would be best for you to hear it from him. I'll see you around Sanji-Kun."

As she gets up to leave, he gently stops her by her sleeve, not wanting to accidently hurt her, "Ah, wait! Why don't you go talk to Zoro? I'm sure if you speak to each other, you can sort things out. He needs you Kuina-Chan…..Why did you break up with him?"

Kuina looks at him with a warm smile, but he can clearly see the sadness in her eyes, "That's something you'll need to ask Zoro. I know you'll make him happier than I ever could."

Sanji lets go of Kuina's sleeve as she gently places a kiss on his cheek before leaving, undetected by the rest of his crew.

"Sanji…"

Turning back to the bar, Shanks is waiting patiently with the drinks for Nami and Robin. _How much did he hear?_ Smiling, Sanji carefully takes the ladies drinks.

"If you ever want your job back…"

"Thank you Shanks… Start next week?" He asks hopefully.

The bar owner grins and nods at him in agreement before Sanji makes his way over to his nakama. He places the drinks on the table in front of the ladies, giving them a warm smile as he sits next to Zoro.

"Sanji-bro! It's SUPER great to see you!"

"Yohohohoho! You're looking well Sanji-San."

"Thank you and it's great to see you guys too. All of you."

Glancing from one to the other, they all smile at him, and as he looks to Zoro, he can't help but blush slightly at the man grinning happily to him.

"Sanji~~ Can you cook some meat now!?"

Sighing, he gets up from his seat. _Shanks will probably let me use the kitchen in the staff room._

"If it will shut you up, then fine."

He grins as he makes his way to the staff room. Remembering what Kuina had said to him earlier, he decides that as soon as he gets the chance, he's going to ask the marimo what happened with him and the beautiful lady. _Maybe I can help them get back together? It's not like they haven't split up before…_

* * *

One week later, and Sanji still hasn't found out the reason for why Zoro and Kuina broke up. The swordsman won’t tell him anything. Whenever he would ask or bring it up, the idiot would change the subject. Sanji had tried being nice about it, and so far it has gotten him nowhere. _Enough of this shit! He’s telling me today!_

Flinging the door to the spare bedroom open, he makes his way downstairs and into the living room. Zoro has fallen asleep on the sofa, in the middle of the afternoon, as usual.

Swinging his leg up, he goes to kick Zoro, not surprised at all when the swordsman grabs his ankle harshly before it can connect.

"What do you want, shit cook?"

"You know what I want."

He moves backwards from the couch, jerking his ankle out of Zoro’s grip, and glares at the swordsman as he sits up.

"Can't you just leave it alone?"

"Of course I can’t leave it alone. You always used to tell me what happened when things would go wrong with you and Kuina."

"Yeah well, you left."

Fuming with rage he clenches his fists to his sides and lashes out at the marimo. A few kicks meet powerfully at Zoro's sides and the swordsman effortlessly blocks the remaining attacks with his forearms, softening the blows against his stomach.

"What the hell does that have to do with anything!?" Sanji screeches.

"A lot actually!"

The swordsman backs up out of reach and paces around the far side of the room, away from him. Sanji can tell how much he's riled up his rival, and watches the idiot pace a few more times before focusing on fishing out a cigarette from his pocket.

"Why the hell should I tell you anyway?" Zoro growls, "You don't tell ME everything! And you won't tell me about what happened to you when you abandoned us!"

"That's different." Sanji states calmly as he pops the cigarette into his mouth, leaving it unlit and rolls it around with his tongue, "And besides, I didn't abandon you, it wasn't like that."

"YEAH? WELL IT SURE AS HELL FELT LIKE IT!"

Flinching slightly, Sanji growls quietly and tries to hold back from shouting at Zoro. He watches as the swordsman keeps pacing around the room, "Just tell me what happened."

"I can't."

"Why the hell not?"

"I JUST CAN'T OKAY!"

"I AM NOT LEAVING THIS ROOM UNLESS YOU TELL ME, YOU SHITHEAD! NOW TELL ME WHY!" 

Growling, the swordsman lunges at him, grabbing onto his shirt with both hands, and he grips onto Zoro’s wrists.

"BECAUSE I FUCKING LOVE YOU, YOU BASTARD!"

Before he can even process what has just been said, Zoro yanks the cigarette out from his mouth, pulls him forward the short distance, and crashes their mouths together in a harsh kiss.

Sanji’s eyes widen and his face reddens as he holds on tighter to Zoro’s wrists. The kiss quickly becomes gentle, but before his mind catches up with him to respond, the swordsman has pulled away a little, their lips still close.

This time it's Zoro's eyes which have widened, and the swordsman lets go of his shirt. Stumbling back, Zoro’s cheeks take on a hint of red as he stares at the blonde, "Shit….."

Sanji hears the panic in Zoro’s voice, and before he can reassure the clearly startled man, Zoro has left the house, slamming the door behind him.

Gaining his composure, Sanji sits down on the sofa, and turns on the T.V. He doesn't listen to whatever programme is playing, instead it gets blocked out by his thoughts. _Zoro….. Loves me?_

_Zoro… Loves me? ... He loves me …._

Grinning, he digs his phone out of his pocket and types a quick text to the stupid marimo, and slumps back into the sofa. It's not the best approach, but he doesn't want the other man to spend the rest of the night thinking that he'd ruined their- well what was- friendship in a bad way.

* * *

_Shit! … Damn it… What the hell did I do that for! I've ruined everything!_ Grasping at his hair, Zoro rushes down the street. He hears his mobile go off, recognising the text message alert, and he takes his phone out from his pocket. Biting his lip, he prepares for the worst, and opens it.

**_Shit Cook:_ **

**_I love you too. Don't stay out too late, you idiot._ **

Eyes going wide, he nearly drops his phone. Standing in place, Zoro re-reads the message again and again, making sure that he is seeing it correctly. Grinning, he places his phone into his pocket, and makes his way back down the street, deciding to stop in Shanks' Bar for a drink. His pride won’t allow him to go straight back home after running out like that. He'd deal with that later.

* * *

Sanji’s eyes slowly drop shut as he lies on the sofa, and as smiles as he falls asleep. Although things are okay with Zoro now, and he is going to be with the man he loves, he knows that his struggles are only just beginning, and he still has a few loose ends to tie up with the apartment that he was living in before he moved back home to his nakama.

Depression is not an easy thing to get rid of. For some, it may never truly leave, and will just linger in the back of their minds until it is triggered again. Sanji is well aware of the fact that love from another person cannot 'fix' him. He knows that he needs to work at helping himself get better, along with the right help.

And the one thing that Sanji is completely sure of is that with Zoro's support, he knows he can get through anything.


	6. Extra Chapter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Modern AU: When in dark times, as Sanji realises his true feelings, there is only one thing he can do.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please feel free to follow me on tumblr x-blackbutterfly-x.tumblr.com  
> Or go to ff.net and search for user xblackbutterflyx if you would like to read this story there instead.
> 
> When I first posted this fic on ff.net I received a promt from an anon who called themselves anoni-chan. They requested Sanji living low and hard, hardly making any living, sick, tired, at the verge of fainting. And so here it is. This happens between chapters 1 and 2 and gives a little insight as to what happened to Sanji when he left his friends and ran away.

It is that same dream again. In his dream he is stranded on a rock in the middle of the ocean, with the sun blazing and burning his skin. The seagulls' cries are screeching in his ears, and he is hungry. No, not hungry, starving. He hasn’t eaten in weeks, maybe even months. He's lost track of the time. Here, he is a child, wearing torn up and dirty clothes. His blonde hair is greasy, matted, and dull. Sanji is barely alive, just skin and bone, just as he really was when he was a child, except in his dream he is stranded on a rock, when in reality he was actually out on the streets of an overcrowded city.

As the young Sanji in his dream looks out towards the endless ocean, he hears a ship horn blaring in the distance. Eyes wide, he scrambles up, and uses all the energy his small and fragile body can muster, to wave and shout out to the ship. He sighs with relief when the ship nears, then covers his ears and closes his eyes when the horn goes again.

When his eyes open, Sanji finds himself in a back alleyway behind a dumpster. Again, he hears the horn from his dream, only he now realises that the sound is actually coming from the traffic out on the street nearby.

Sanji blearily glances around as he sums up the energy to move from his seat on the cold, hard ground, and walks over to look in a nearby window. Staring back at him is the Sanji from his dream, only this time he is older.

Brushing his hand through his hair, flinching when he accidently tugs harshly on the knots in his hair, he looks around the alleyway he had stumbled into last night. He bites his lip as he remembers when he used to do this as a child…

Sanji has never known his real parents, he doesn’t even know if they are dead or alive. All he knows is that when he was a baby he was brought up in an orphanage. When he was 5 years old, he’d had enough of the place and ran away, and ended up on the streets as he didn’t really think things through, just like this time around. When he left his nakama two months ago, he’d planned nothing. He didn’t think about where he would go, where he would live, he didn’t think about a job, and he didn’t think about money. Sanji had thrown out his credit cards and the simcard for his mobile phone, as he didn’t want to be traced, and wanted to start afresh. He soon learned that it was an extremely bad idea, especially as he didn’t take any money out from his bank before leaving, he stupidly left on a whim, even though he had thought about leaving for a few months before he actually did it, and all of this just ended up making him feel even worse about himself.

His stomach rumbles loudly and he groans as he walks back over to the dumpster he’d slept behind last night, and grabs his duffel bag. Since turning up at this new city, Sanji had tried to get a job anywhere he could, but no one would hire him, not even the owners at a small café,  where he could have been clearing tables, as he was deemed too overqualified for job like that. He’d never heard of that happening before and it was ridiculous that it was the reason he didn’t get most of the jobs he’d applied for. Eventually, he gave up on even trying.

Sanji tries to pick up his duffel bag, and fails as his muscles have gotten weaker, and resolves to just drag the bag behind him as he makes his way out of the alleyway. He clenches his fists on the bag strap as he stomach rumbles once again.

Getting food on the streets had been a lot easier when he was a child. People took pity on him. Enough to feed him, but not enough to take him in, give him money and clean clothes, or offer him a shower or bath. His salvation at the time had been Zeff.

He remembers it well. He had been sleeping outside at the back of a restaurant, when the old man had walked out the back door and just glared at him. He glared back of course, he was a stubborn child, arguably, still is. After a few minutes of their glaring contest, Zeff had kicked him inside, ordering Sanji to wash upstairs in the shower while he cooked him a meal.

Unfortunately, there is no Zeff this time around.

Sanji steps out onto the street, the sun blinding him, and wanders down the road, past the stares of passers-by. So far, since living on the streets again he'd gotten his food from the large food bins outside of supermarkets and restaurants. The amount of still edible food that gets thrown away astonishes him. A lot of it is only a day out of their sell-by date when they are thrown out.

As the weeks went on, however, he'd found that many of these food bins had already been claimed by other people who are homeless and who wouldn't share, and the fights for food became harsh. Sanji had once stumbled upon two homeless guys fighting over a live rat. He was not at least one bit tempted to go back down that route again. When he was a child on the streets, he had given into eating rodents quite quickly. He swore that he'd never succumb to that again. Just thinking about it and where those animals have been, picking up diseases, it makes his skin crawl.

Turning a street corner, Sanji starts feeling nauseous. He'd thought he'd last longer than this. He'd managed it before. However, his vision starts to blur, and his head is pounding, he feels even more tired than he was before.

Sanji leans up against the wall, only to slide down shortly after as black dots cloud his vision. Dropping his bag to his side, he pulls his knees up and wraps his arms around his legs, burying his head in his lap. He groans as his stomach clenches, and his body stills, hugging himself tighter when someone crouches down in front of him and gently places their hands on his arms.

"Oi, are you okay? What's your name?"

"Sanji. Sanji Blackleg…" He has no idea why he just gave the man his name, but the stranger's voice is slightly calming.

"Ok, Blackleg-Ya, My name's Law. I'm a doctor. Can you stand?"

Sanji looks up at Law then, and plans on standing as he moves into a crouch so he can push himself up, but before he can try and get up, he passes out and collapses onto the doctor and Law's slightly panicked voice calls out to him as the man's strong arms wrap around his body to stop him from falling to the floor.

There may be no Zeff, but at least this time he has a doctor to help him.


End file.
